(remember: it doesn’t have to be loud at all).
or a mattress
or a mat
or the floor.
and listen to your heart beat.
1. Press play.
2. Get on your bike.
3. Use the first track to pick up speed.
4. Use the second track to pick up coke.
5. Use the third track to pick up your heroine
(trust me, you’ll need her).
6. Close your eyes.
7. Let go of the handlebar.
8. Take out the flares, set them off,
and hold them as high as you can.
9. Swallow a flower whole
(have your heroine feed you the flower).
10 Ask your heroine to score you
based on how fucking beautiful you are.
1. Look at the sky and whisper:
I don’t see race.
2. Look at the coffee cup and say:
I don’t care what god you believe in.
3. Stare at the face in the mirror and shout:
Only lazy people fail!
If you just work hard,
you’ll get what you want!
4. Bury your face in the pillow and sob:
Men and women are simply not the same,
but also super similar and stuff!
5. Pet a dog and admit:
Everyone is a unique
and valuable individual,
each contributing to society
in their own way,
according to their ability.
6. Collect your unemployment and chirp:
There’s nothing technology can’t fix!
1. Max out your BRAIDING skill
by holding hands.
3. Let it all heat up.
4. Go and sit outside.
5. Open and close your eyes
until you’ve forgotten why you started doing it.
6. Lean back (finally, after all this time).
7. Inhale and feel your heart race again.
1. Open your window like you
open your eyes in the morning.
2. Open this box like you
open a heart unattached.
3. Open your hands like you
open a locked door.
4. Open your mouth like you
open a dying insect.
5. Open three restaurants,
all with miss spelled naimes.
6. Open a cold case
and drag your tongue
along the inside of its lid.
7. Open your door like you
open a line of reasoning.
8. Close the door as you
leave and slip a note under it.
9. Read the note out loud:
”Ceci n’est pas une
Short Game for Lonely People”
1. Raise your glass.
2. Keep quiet for a second.
3. Shed a tear.
4. Shed another tear.
5. Shed enough tears to fill the glass to the brim.
6. Say, loud and clear:
”To absent friends!
To distant lovers!
To hell approaching!
To heaven waiting!
To sandstorms dancing!
To oceans singing!
To preachers crying!
To nurses laughing!
To strong drinks helping!
To soft words helping!
To light touches
and sweet lips
and strong hearts
and brave eyes
and honest hands,
all reaching out
7. Drink. All of it.
8. Put the glass back down.
9. Have lots
10. You win!
1. Stand in front of a mirror.
2. Take a long hard look at yourself.
3. Make a sudden, subtle gesture.
4. Make a sudden, violent gesture.
5. Close your eyes.
6. Reach out and turn the mirror around.
7. Peek over the mirror.
someone is peeking back from the other side,
copy their movements forever.
That’s what I thought…”,
and never mention this to anyone ever.
9. Add the specialization “LOOKING GLASS”
to your LORE skill.
1. Walk down a train platform during rush hour.
2. Close your eyes.
3. Don’t bump into anyone.
4. Raise your score every time you walk past someone without bumping into them.
5. Upon reaching the end of the platform, compare your score to the amount of steps you took while walking down the platform.
6. Meditate on the relationship between these two numbers for as many years as you see fit.
7. As you get close to death, return to the platform.
8. Play again and compare your two scores to declare one of your selves the winner.
1. Ride around a city of your choice all day. Use only public transportation.
2. Start a staring contest with someone born in another decade.
3. Stick your tongue out to gain an advantage on your opponent.
4. Lightning bolt!
5. Lightning bolt!
6. Lightning bolt!
they start crying,
declare yourself the winner
7ab. ELSE IF
they shake violently and their eyes seem about to pop,
get out of the way before their head explodes. It will, trust me on this.
Sit back down after five minutes.
8. Take off your silly wizard hat.
9. Make the “out of character” sign.
10 (optional). Cry a whole lot.