1. Bolt the doors.
2. Cover the windows.
3. Put in the earplugs.
4. Put on your kevlar.
5. Load your revolver.
6. Load your assault rifle.
7. Start reciting the incantation.
8. Head down into the basement.
9. Don’t look it in the eyes.
10. Spray and pray.
1. Throw your shadow onto a wall
until it falls to pieces.
2. Gather all palm-sized pieces
and use them to soften the light around your apartment.
3. Use the small pieces
to weave curtains with just the right opacity.
4. Decorate your walls with the largest pieces
and imagine what you’ll tell visitors
if they were to ask about them.
5. Grow a shotgun in your closet.
6. Pour oil on it every night
before it goes to sleep.
7. Learn to talk to it
before it’s too late.
8. Don’t say I never told you so.
1. Go for a walk in the woods.
2. Bring matches, in case there is a fire.
3. Bring a gun, in case someone is murdered.
4. Bring an egg, in case you find a chicken.
5. Bring a scream, in case I’ve stopped listening.
6. Bring water, in case you find a lake.
7. Bring empty hands, in case you drop something.
8. Bring money, in case you forgot the matches.
9. Bring poetry, in case everyone falls asleep.
10. Never return.
1. Plant machine guns in your backyard.
2. Water them every day using a mix of milk and rum.
3. Carry your children on your back for a whole week straight.
4. Take off your shoes and walk through the garden at night.
5. Repeat step 4 until lush grass starts growing from your chest.
6. Rest your wrists on cold marble.
7. Watch the sun dance and sing.
8. Watch the moon, just in case.
9. Fire your guns only at those who come bearing seeds or flowers.
10. Bring a bouquet of firearms to Thom and he will give you your next objective.
1. Spend most of your life
using machine guns and chainsaws
to fight every urge.
2. Fill a hot tub with carbonated water.
3. Carve magical runes into the backs of dead heretics.
4. Slap an ”on sale” sticker onto your forehead.
5. Pay for your cable with grey, lifeless skin.
6. Slip off into the night.
7. Leave behind nothing but a thin mist — a truce… of sorts.
1. Get a fake, but real-looking gun.
2. Put on a ski mask.
3. Walk into a bank.
4. Pull out the fake gun and yell:
This is a robbery
and I am the robber
and I am going to rob you all!”
5. Circle the room slowly.
6. Point the gun at random people
and say, to no one and everyone:
“Yeah, I’m the robber alright.
I sure am.
And you are the ones being robbed
in the robbery.”
7. Keep up your rambling until you’ve circled back to the exit.
8. Stop at the exit, put the gun’s muzzle to your temple, and say:
“Or… am I?”
9. Pull the trigger.
10. Score yourself based on whether or not you survive.
1. Picture your opponent
standing about 50 yards away from you.
2. Picture a thick black line
running between the two of you,
setting you apart from the rest of the world.
3. Picture the background receding and turning white.
4. Picture a picture showing all of these things.
5. Wait for the clock to strike 12.
7. Raise ART or HANDGUN 1d6 points.