1. Grow up reaching through the cracks for hi-fives.
2. Learn to expect hard slaps on the back of your head.
3. Don’t flinch, advance.
4. Don’t blink, lunge.
5. Don’t cry, parry.
6. Drop your weapon after a life of walking ropes.
7. Using both hands, grasp the white picket fence tightly.
8. Slash at the backs of the people who went over before you.
9. Mark it a tie and move to sudden death.
10. Start climbing.
1. Throw in some dust.
2. Throw a hand grenade.
3. Swing a cat over your head
and throw it in as well.
4. Throw rocks and gravel.
5. Throw an old shoe.
6. Throw a fit.
7. Throw in the towel.
1. Ride around a city of your choice all day. Use only public transportation.
2. Start a staring contest with someone born in another decade.
3. Stick your tongue out to gain an advantage on your opponent.
4. Lightning bolt!
5. Lightning bolt!
6. Lightning bolt!
they start crying,
declare yourself the winner
7ab. ELSE IF
they shake violently and their eyes seem about to pop,
get out of the way before their head explodes. It will, trust me on this.
Sit back down after five minutes.
8. Take off your silly wizard hat.
9. Make the “out of character” sign.
10 (optional). Cry a whole lot.
1. Roll your head back.
2. Relax your shoulders, slowly.
3. Open your hands and spread your fingers.
4. Open your eyes, wide. As wide as you can.
5. Stand there, slack-jawed, taking it all in.
6. Fill your lungs with as much air as possible.
7. Hold it and hold it and hold it.
8. Blow at the world
and watch it crumble
like so much dust
9. Change relationship status to: ”real simple”.
1. Bang your head against the wall.
2. Slap yourself in the face.
3. Stub your toe on the table.
4. Hit your knee on the fence.
5. Bump your shoulder against a stranger’s shoulder.
6. Headbutt a mirror.
7. Punch your favorite thigh over and over.
8. Record it all and put it online.
9. Wait for the money to come rolling in.
10. Add: “Crazed” OR “Injured” to your own conditions.
1. Take a step back.
2. Maintain eye contact.
3. Move your head like a cobra.
4. Stand still.
5. Hold your breath.
7. Get fired and replaced by a real snake.
8. Change [Occupational Status] to “Unemployed and blacklisted”.
1. Raise your fist.
2. Wave it around.
3. Scream and shout.
4. Bang your drums, the walls, and the backs of other people’s heads.
5. Run down the street with your fist still raised.
6. Smash a TV using your fist.
7. Smash a window using your fist.
8. Don’t use your mouth for anything.
9. Oppose your eviction and fight the system.
1. Wrap your head around it.
2. Give your eyes cute names and shout them every time you blink.
3. Chew it if you feel like it.
4. Tattoo a green scarf to wear around your neck.
5. Turn the back of your hand toward me.
6. Feel this heart racing.
7. Come back.
8. Shake that ass and hope that no one is watching.
9. Kick the bucket way past your prime.
10. Keep walking. Trust me on this.