1. Talk to Satan,
but be nice.
2. Talk to God,
but don’t take any shit.
3. Talk to St. Peter,
and tell him I said hi.
4. Talk to the Pope,
but don’t be fooled.
5. Talk to Elvis,
and don’t move a muscle.
6. Add “basically everyone”
to your list of possible suspects.
7. Exit the hut,
wash yourself off,
get something to eat.
8. Follow the next lead.
1. There is an old school close to where you grew up.
Connecting to your childhood is important,
so go there whenever you sense a storm coming on.
2. You will need equipment.
Add the following items to your inventory:
a sharp knife,
a blunt smile.
3. You should not do this alone.
There will be people there to help you.
Talk to them in a hushed voice.
4. It’s important that you get some sleep.
Lie down on the cold wooden floor
in one of the classrooms.
5. Though it is indeed dark,
you need to get familiar
with your immediate surroundings.
Reach out with your hand
and see if you can make
the darkness start moving away from you.
6. Whenever you try to remember
remind yourself that there is
a pretty good chance that this is all a dream.
7. One of the aspects most lacking
in contemporary society is,
without a doubt, spirituality.
When you wake up,
go straight to the temple
(the temple is in the gym hall).
8. Though we are alone,
hopelessly trapped in our own bodies,
and in experiences devoid of any genuine meaning whatsoever
to anyone but ourselves,
it is nonetheless paramount to foster
a strong sense of community.
Join the singing
and the dancing
and the screaming
and the shouting
and the chanting
and the crying
and the scrying
and the oohing
and the aahing
and the regular rituals
and the sex rituals
and the blood rituals
and the dinner conversation
and the pillow talk
and the funerals
and the weddings
and the telephone recruitment campaigns
and the political rallies
and the violent protests
and the inevitable schisms
and the splinter groups with dubious motives
and the suicide pacts
and the cowards that bail on the suicide pacts
and the people reading strange games online
and the people playing regular games
as part of their quest to fulfill themselves.
9. A hobby will help you stabilize
your rapidly disintegrating psyche,
thus buying you some time
before the complete and violent collapse
of your social (and, in the end, also your biological) life.
and board games
and role-playing games
and miniatures games
with people you feel are
like you in all things that matter.
10. A flair for the critical evaluation of one’s own efforts
will help build a knowledge of self
that may prove valuable in the workplace.
based on your performance.
1. Move the trash cans.
2. Move the cleaning products.
3. The brushes, towels, old newspapers, sponges, rags
— move them all out of the way.
4. Turn the lights off.
5. Stare at the cabinet
for the lo
6. Crawl inside.
7. Close the cabinet doors.
8. If no one calls you
or knocks on your front door
for at least three days,
you may leave the cabinet
and declare yourself the winner of the game.
1. Move a bit to the left.
2. Avoid the car crash next to you.
3. Go home while the city starts to burn around you.
4. Call your loved ones
and listen as you fail to connect.
5. Turn on the news.
and meteor showers
unfurl over, split open, roll along,
drown out, surge, devastate
in full HD.
7. Move a bit to the left.
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1. Look out a broken window.
2. Paint your eyelids the same color as the sky.
3. Sit in front of a strong light.
4. Close your eyes.
5. Open your eyes.
6. Repeat steps 4 and 5 rapidly and for a long time.
7. Move your hands back and forth in front of your face.
8. Notice how your hands
aren’t really your hands,
and how the light
isn’t really shining on you at all,
and how you face
is less corporeal than you’d like it to be,
and how there’s an acousmatic voice
narrating your disintegration in real time,
and how people were right
when they said whatever they said
with their reptilian tongues
and their reptilian mouths.
9. Don’t cry.
10. Score yourself based on your performance.
1. Pack your shit.
3. Score yourself based on what you left behind.
1. Send a letter to yourself to be delivered in ten years.
2. Dig yourself up by the roots.
3. Start moving.
4. Water thoroughly every once in a while.
5. Change your name.
6. Keep moving.
7. Receive the letter.
8. Return to sender.