1. Become an airline pilot.
2. In the middle of a flight, use the P.A. system to say:
“This is the captain speaking. This is the captain speaking. I have assumed control of this plane. As of this moment you may consider yourselves hijacked. I will now state my demands: I have no demands. Having hijacked this flight successfully, I will now proceed to navigate it toward our previously stated final destination. Have a nice flight.”
3. Score yourself based on the amount of police officers who are later going to ask you to “…please, explain this to me one more time.”
1. Walk around your home naked.
2. Bob your head back and forth.
3. Imitate the sound of a record skipping
right as James Brown goes ”Hey!”
4. Keep this up for a good eight or maybe nine hours.
5. Pay no attention to the incessant knocking
on your front door.
6. Sew your eyelids shut.
7. Turn on the stove.
8. Evade your neighbors
or the police
by exiting through a window.
9. Score yourself based on whether or not you survive the fall.
1. Let it rain.
2. Let it rain.
3. Let it rain.
4. Let it rain.
5. Sing Here Comes the Sun
with a resigned smile on your face.
6. Make sure to listen closely
to yourself as you sing.
7. Cut out your tongue
and hand it to a police officer.
8. Let it rain.
9. Let it rain.
10. Let it rain.
1. Attend police academy.
2. Make an effort to excel in you profession.
3. Wear a police uniform.
4. Fight crime.
5. Score yourself based on the amount of people who actually think you’re a police officer.
1. Get 10 teacups.
2. Distribute them in your home,
according to your own tastes,
but put one in your window.
3. Pick up a hammer on your way to work.
4. Smash your boss’ car window.
5. Smash your boss’ office window.
6. Smash your boss’ face windows
and Windows phone.
7. Drop the hammer on your way out
(if it hits a security guard on its way down,
it hits a security guard on its way down).
8. Go home and wait for the police to arrive.
9. Invite them in for a cup of tea.
10. Score yourself based on
the amount of police officers
that break through your window,
or drink your tea.
1. Draw a small amount of blood from your chest.
2. Keep it safe from bad spirits and worse weather.
3. Bring it to a place where you used to play as a child.
4. Pick one spot there to act as future and one to act as past.
5. Stand in silence between these spots for at least 20 minutes.
6. On the count of three, run back and forth between the two spots.
7. Every time you reach the past or the future, sprinkle some blood on it.
8. Tell the police it’s for an art project.