1. Make yourself a pot of strong, black coffee.
2. Drink it as it is, all at once,
burning yourself horribly in the process.
3. Struggle to make the emergency call,
what with a swollen and bleeding tongue and all.
4. Pass out.
Dear god, just pass out.
5. Wake up.
6. Tell your doctor that you feel better.
That you’re not tired any more.
7. Go home and quickly punch every inch
of every wall
at least once.
8. Mark it as a success, whatever ”it” is.
1. Barge in.
2. Speak up.
3. Call out.
4. Get punched.
5. Punch face.
6. Get punched.
7. Get punched.
8. Go down.
9. Get kicked
10. Get punched.
1. Invite a stranger for hard liquor and fistfights.
2. Ask them whether or not they know the blues.
3. Fight and drink all night.
5. Bleeding from mouth, eyebrow, and knuckles,
present them with a vintage steel-string guitar.
6. Ask them to play the blues.
7. Listen intently, taking in each note,
and raw expression of sorrow.
8. Keep listening until the first warm and salty tear
down your cheek.
9. Punch the stranger in the face.
10. You lose.
(Does that make you feel
1. Work yourself to the point of absolute exhaustion.
2. Keep pushing.
3. Keep pushing.
4. Keep pushing.
5. Stop showing up for work.
6. Start calling yourself “the Governor”.
…any random asshole has the goddamn gall to fucking ask “governor of what?”
tell the dipshit: “governor of this”
and punch their fucking teeth out their ugly facehole..
…initiate a staring contest
with the next shitbucket of an idiot you meet
who is also taller than you are.
8. Hate yourself.
9. Die alone.
10. Level up.
1. Bang your head against the wall.
2. Slap yourself in the face.
3. Stub your toe on the table.
4. Hit your knee on the fence.
5. Bump your shoulder against a stranger’s shoulder.
6. Headbutt a mirror.
7. Punch your favorite thigh over and over.
8. Record it all and put it online.
9. Wait for the money to come rolling in.
10. Add: “Crazed” OR “Injured” to your own conditions.
1. Slap your right thigh and laugh.
2. Slap you left thigh and laugh.
3. Slap your belly and laugh.
4. Slap your chest and laugh.
5. Slap your face and laugh.
6. Slap your face harder and laugh.
7. Slap your face and laugh harder.
8. Punch your throat and laugh.
9. Smile, smile, smile!
10. Raise your CHARISMA stat.
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1. Talk to a friendly local cab driver.
2. Have this person punch you in the stomach.
3. Have this person shove you to the ground.
4. Have this person kick you while you’re down.
5. Have this person drive you to the ER.
6. Tell this person to keep the change and ask if they enjoyed playing this game.
IF this person did enjoy it: add this contact to your list of future allies.
ELSE: start over once you get out of the hospital.