1. Write the name of an acquaintance on a post-it.
2. REPEAT step 1 until exhausted.
3. Decorate your walls with spirals drawn in dirt, blood, or invisible ink.
4. Place the post-its randomly on a wall.
5. Draw arrows between some of the post-its.
6. Keep a fluorescent light on until it starts flickering.
7. Throw darts at some of the post-its.
8. Laugh to yourself and record it to play back later.
9. Score yourself based on whether or not you go on to become a serial killer.
1. Stick a needle in your arm.
2. Stick a needle in your face.
3. Stick a needle in your palm.
4. Stick a needle in your back.
5. Take a deep breath.
6. Bite your tongue.
7. Swallow hard.
8. Sink through an entire office building; glass, and concrete, and all.
9. Score yourself based on how different you feel.
1. Stop whatever you’re doing.
2. Squawk like a bird.
3. Jump up and down.
4. Flap your arms.
5. Stop doing the silly bird thing.
6. Go on with your day.
7. Score yourself based on
how much your b(r)eak helped you
get through your day.
1. Press play.
2. Get on your bike.
3. Use the first track to pick up speed.
4. Use the second track to pick up coke.
5. Use the third track to pick up your heroine
(trust me, you’ll need her).
6. Close your eyes.
7. Let go of the handlebar.
8. Take out the flares, set them off,
and hold them as high as you can.
9. Swallow a flower whole
(have your heroine feed you the flower).
10 Ask your heroine to score you
based on how fucking beautiful you are.
1. Take yourself out.
2. Treat yourself to a dinner and a movie.
3. Walk yourself home.
4. Stand in front of the mirror.
5. Lean in for the kiss.
6. Stop at the last second and back off
7. Go to bed alone.
8. Cry yourself to sleep.
9. Send a text to yourself saying:
Last night was great, but I don’t think this will work out.
10. Score yourself based on what you text back.
1. Run into a bank.
2. Shout: “Put your hands up!”
3. Whisper: “For science…
put them up for science.”
4. Count how many hands are put up
5. Write that number down.
7. Score yourself based on how the jury responds
to the following defense:
“For goodness sake, you absolute cretins,
I’m not a criminal! I am a sociologist!
A soooociiioooloooogiiiist, okay?
Do you know what that means?
No! No, you don’t, do you?
1. Compare me to a summer’s day.
2. Compare me to a roundhouse kick.
3. Compare me to the buds of may.
4. Compare me to a guy called Mick.
(who’s more lovely?)
(who’s more temperate?)
5. Keep your comparisons to yourself.
6. Keep playing with your magic wand.
7. Pretend that I’m your sexy elf.
8. Pretend that you are my Mithlond.
9. Score me just based on our first glance.
10. Score yourself based on performance.
1. Spend a year on the road.
2. Send pictures of yourself
to radio stations.
3. Collect grass from different continents,
picked at different times of the day.
4. Grow taller.
5. Learn how to play at being brave.
6. Spend a month’s salary
on a pair of sunglasses.
7. Send a letter to a stranger you think
has a wonderful smile.
8. Stare into the sun.
9. Remember where you came from.
10. Score yourself based on
how far you are from turning back.
1. Cordon off the time and space surrounding you .
2. Call it HERE and NOW (forever).
3. Write a story about time and space behind you.
4. Call it THEN and THERE.
5. Read your story out loud.
in the general direction of the THEN and THERE.
that’s racing toward you.
6. Stop right as all your THENs and THEREs.
collide with your HERE and NOW.
7. Sample any note that lingers in the air
immediately after the explosion
and use it to make a song.
8. Play the song for no one.
9. Score yourself
and your former selves
and your future selves
based on their opinions
about each other
at any given moment.
1. Keep one of your hands wrapped in plastic
at all times.
2. Use only your wrapped hand
whenever you need to touch your face.
3. Paint the hand in whatever color you like.
4. Give the hand a name.
5. Talk to the hand.
6. Teach the hand to dance and write a ballet for it.
7. Travel the world, performing the ballet for everyone to see.
8. Score yourself based on
how cultured you feel
after having played this game
for twenty years.