1. Make yourself a pot of strong, black coffee.
2. Drink it as it is, all at once,
burning yourself horribly in the process.
3. Struggle to make the emergency call,
what with a swollen and bleeding tongue and all.
4. Pass out.
Dear god, just pass out.
5. Wake up.
6. Tell your doctor that you feel better.
That you’re not tired any more.
7. Go home and quickly punch every inch
of every wall
at least once.
8. Mark it as a success, whatever ”it” is.
1. Stick a needle in your arm.
2. Stick a needle in your face.
3. Stick a needle in your palm.
4. Stick a needle in your back.
5. Take a deep breath.
6. Bite your tongue.
7. Swallow hard.
8. Sink through an entire office building; glass, and concrete, and all.
9. Score yourself based on how different you feel.
1. Let it rain.
2. Let it rain.
3. Let it rain.
4. Let it rain.
5. Sing Here Comes the Sun
with a resigned smile on your face.
6. Make sure to listen closely
to yourself as you sing.
7. Cut out your tongue
and hand it to a police officer.
8. Let it rain.
9. Let it rain.
10. Let it rain.
1. Open your window like you
open your eyes in the morning.
2. Open this box like you
open a heart unattached.
3. Open your hands like you
open a locked door.
4. Open your mouth like you
open a dying insect.
5. Open three restaurants,
all with miss spelled naimes.
6. Open a cold case
and drag your tongue
along the inside of its lid.
7. Open your door like you
open a line of reasoning.
8. Close the door as you
leave and slip a note under it.
9. Read the note out loud:
”Ceci n’est pas une
Short Game for Lonely People”
1. Ride around a city of your choice all day. Use only public transportation.
2. Start a staring contest with someone born in another decade.
3. Stick your tongue out to gain an advantage on your opponent.
4. Lightning bolt!
5. Lightning bolt!
6. Lightning bolt!
they start crying,
declare yourself the winner
7ab. ELSE IF
they shake violently and their eyes seem about to pop,
get out of the way before their head explodes. It will, trust me on this.
Sit back down after five minutes.
8. Take off your silly wizard hat.
9. Make the “out of character” sign.
10 (optional). Cry a whole lot.
1. Look out a broken window.
2. Paint your eyelids the same color as the sky.
3. Sit in front of a strong light.
4. Close your eyes.
5. Open your eyes.
6. Repeat steps 4 and 5 rapidly and for a long time.
7. Move your hands back and forth in front of your face.
8. Notice how your hands
aren’t really your hands,
and how the light
isn’t really shining on you at all,
and how you face
is less corporeal than you’d like it to be,
and how there’s an acousmatic voice
narrating your disintegration in real time,
and how people were right
when they said whatever they said
with their reptilian tongues
and their reptilian mouths.
9. Don’t cry.
10. Score yourself based on your performance.
1. Stare at the clouds and wait for the tears.
2. Let the light hit you until you fall over.
3. Wake up and smell the ashes.
4. Hold out your hand.
5. Stick your tongue out.
6. Hang your heart out to dry.
7. Scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream.
8. Smile. Always.
2. Look up.
3. Stick your tongue out.
4. Keep looking up.
5. Close your eyes
and feel the wind
rip at your cheekbones
and through your teeth.
6. Go back inside.
7. Rest until fully healed.
1. Swing your tongue like it’s a baseball bat.
2. Make sure saliva spills on bystanders.
3. Visit your local supermarket.
4. Keep swinging that tongue, please.
5. Laugh like a sane person would, if any of them ever attempted this.
6. Pride yourself on being an asset to your community.
7. Start referring to yourself as “the asset”.
8. Wear a mask and fight crime.
9. Swing your tongue like it’s a baseball batman.
1. Eat your heart out.
2. Chew on it.
3.Swallow your pride.
4. Cough it up.
5. Spit it out.
5. Bite your tongue.
6. Become a desserter.
7. Barf forth apocalyptica.
8. Raise your COOKING skill by 1d10 points.