1. Go back to the bathroom.
2. Stick your hand in the hole in the wall.
3. When you hit the slimy membrane, keep pushing.
4. When you reach the crawling critters,
5. When you reach the skeleton hand, shake it.
6. When you feel the touch of soft fabric, start pulling.
7. Keep pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling
until the impossibly long chain of handkerchiefs fill your entire apartment.
1. Write the name of an acquaintance on a post-it.
2. REPEAT step 1 until exhausted.
3. Decorate your walls with spirals drawn in dirt, blood, or invisible ink.
4. Place the post-its randomly on a wall.
5. Draw arrows between some of the post-its.
6. Keep a fluorescent light on until it starts flickering.
7. Throw darts at some of the post-its.
8. Laugh to yourself and record it to play back later.
9. Score yourself based on whether or not you go on to become a serial killer.
1. Make yourself a pot of strong, black coffee.
2. Drink it as it is, all at once,
burning yourself horribly in the process.
3. Struggle to make the emergency call,
what with a swollen and bleeding tongue and all.
4. Pass out.
Dear god, just pass out.
5. Wake up.
6. Tell your doctor that you feel better.
That you’re not tired any more.
7. Go home and quickly punch every inch
of every wall
at least once.
8. Mark it as a success, whatever ”it” is.
1. Run in circles.
2. Call people you know
won’t pick up.
3. Paint you face red.
4. Head over to the wall.
5. Sit down on the floor.
6. Grip your knees tight.
7. Rock back and forth
for a very long time.
8. Tap yourself on the back.
9. Leave the ring.
10. Declare yourself the new
heavy-heart champion of the world.
1. Drip from the ceiling for at least a day
(never mind who put you there,
or what their reasons were).
2. Stick to the floor, bed, carpets, walls, and mirrors
for as long as possible.
3. Remove the apartment from your body and leave.
4. Get on a bus, or a train, or an airplane, or a time machine
(whichever is closest).
6. Play a crucial part in every major revolution
of the 21st, 48th, or 2nd century.
7. Forget how to speak if you really need to.
8. Fly a plane into me whenever you’re ready.
9. Achievement unlocked: Loss Flight.
1. Bang your head against the wall.
2. Slap yourself in the face.
3. Stub your toe on the table.
4. Hit your knee on the fence.
5. Bump your shoulder against a stranger’s shoulder.
6. Headbutt a mirror.
7. Punch your favorite thigh over and over.
8. Record it all and put it online.
9. Wait for the money to come rolling in.
10. Add: “Crazed” OR “Injured” to your own conditions.
1. Throw your shadow onto a wall
until it falls to pieces.
2. Gather all palm-sized pieces
and use them to soften the light around your apartment.
3. Use the small pieces
to weave curtains with just the right opacity.
4. Decorate your walls with the largest pieces
and imagine what you’ll tell visitors
if they were to ask about them.
5. Grow a shotgun in your closet.
6. Pour oil on it every night
before it goes to sleep.
7. Learn to talk to it
before it’s too late.
8. Don’t say I never told you so.
1. Raise your fist.
2. Wave it around.
3. Scream and shout.
4. Bang your drums, the walls, and the backs of other people’s heads.
5. Run down the street with your fist still raised.
6. Smash a TV using your fist.
7. Smash a window using your fist.
8. Don’t use your mouth for anything.
9. Oppose your eviction and fight the system.