May 9, Lerner Game

Short Games
1. Make poetry famous.
2. Burn your initials into the sun.
3. Read poetry
from the middle of a burning building,
standing in the fast lane of the freeway
falling from the top of the Empire State Building.
4. Be Richard Speck,
rather than Gary Snyder.
5. Ride a rocketship to hell,
rather than a Volvo to Bolinas.
6. Sell arms to the Martians,
rather than wait sullenly for a letter from some deceased clown with a three-piece mind, telling you that you’ve won a bulletproof pair of rose-colored glasses for your poem ”Autumn in the Spring”.
7. Be hated by everyone
who teaches for a living.
8. Read your poetry and watch people
get headaches, vomit, weep, scream, disappear, start bleeding,
eat their television sets,
beat each other to death with swords,
and go out and get riotously drunk
on someone else’s money
9. Do not bury poetry
or dandle it on your knee like a retarded child
with beautiful eyes.
Instead, blow it up
or throw it off a cliff into icy seas
and see if the the motherfucker
can swim for its life.
10. Buy one of those beautiful
switchblade knives.

May 2, Party Game

Short Games

1. Raise your glass.
2. Keep quiet for a second.
3. Shed a tear.
4. Shed another tear.
5. Shed enough tears to fill the glass to the brim.
6. Say, loud and clear:
”To absent friends!
To distant lovers!
To hell approaching!
To heaven waiting!
To sandstorms dancing!
To oceans singing!
To preachers crying!
To nurses laughing!
To strong drinks helping!
To soft words helping!
To light touches
and sweet lips
and strong hearts
and brave eyes
and honest hands,
all reaching out
to say:
and here
and here
and here
and here”.
7. Drink. All of it.
8. Put the glass back down.
9. Have lots
and lots
and lots
and lots
and lots
and lots
and lots
and lots
and lots
and lots
and lots
and lots
and lots
of fun.
10. You win!

April 18, Mythomania Game

Short Games

1. Tell your boss that he’s doing a great job
that he looks good
that he smells wonderful
that he is a real “people person”.
2. Tell a beggar that you don’t have anything to spare.
Nothing at all.
3. Tell your mother you’ll call her.
4. Tell someone pretty that their face
is “geometrically unsound”.
5. Sing the national anthem
with your hand on your heart.
6. Tell all your friends
that you are their friend.
7. Tell all your friends
that voting is super important,
and that you sure vote,
and for the right party too,
and that people who don’t vote
don’t have the right to complain anyway.
8. Tell yourself that you won this game.
9. Keep a straight face, champ.

April 14, Advantage Game

Short Games

1. Ride around a city of your choice all day. Use only public transportation.
2. Start a staring contest with someone born in another decade.
3. Stick your tongue out to gain an advantage on your opponent.
4. Lightning bolt!
5. Lightning bolt!
6. Lightning bolt!
7aa. IF
they start crying,
declare yourself the winner
7ab. ELSE IF
they shake violently and their eyes seem about to pop,
get out of the way before their head explodes. It will, trust me on this.
7b. ELSE
Sit back down after five minutes.
8. Take off your silly wizard hat.
9. Make the “out of character” sign.
10 (optional). Cry a whole lot.

April 3, Demon Game

Short Games

1. Remember that thing you did.
2. Clutch at your throat.
3. That thing, remember it.
4. Scream without making any sounds.
5. Regret the thing. Do it now.
6. Tear your hair out in big chunks that no one will ever want to buy.
7. Remember and regret the thing.
8. Claw at the small of your neck with nails I’ve sharpened for you over the years.
9. Are you obsessing yet? No? Then start obsessing.

10. Pay with your filthy soul
to win this and all other games.

March 26, Multidimensional Game

Short Games

1. Stand in front of a mirror for an hour.
2. Say: ”Hello”
3. Laugh and say: ”Oh, yes. May I?”
4. Turn around.
5. Reach back with both your hands
and let them touch the mirror
at the exact same time.
6. If the mirror opens up,
keep going.
7. If the mirror opens up,
I’m happy for you.
8. If the mirror opens up,
there’s no use giving you more instructions.
9. If the mirror opens up,
you’ve won.